[INTRO JINGLE]
🎺 “GOBCAST! If it’s scandalous, we scream it first!”
🐀 “This is Screech News, with Skreek Ratsnout!”
[ANCHOR – SKREEK RATSNOUT]
BREAKING TONIGHT from the Crystal Spires Platinum Amphitheater:
Beloved Highblood pop-rap icon Lysandriel Luxeflow has been exposed in what critics are already calling
THE GREATEST VOCAL FRAUD SINCE THE SILVER CHOIR INCIDENT.
During last night’s sold-out performance of “Mana Drip Forever”…
the illusion veil dropped.
And what the crowd heard next…
was not his voice.
[CUT TO FIELD REPORTER – MIK MUDTOOTH]
(crowd screams, shattered glass, security whistles)
Skreek, the scene was absolute chaos.
Witnesses say that halfway through the chorus, a stray Grime pulse from the underground tunnels disrupted the amphitheater’s glamour wards.
Luxeflow raised his jeweled mic, spread his arms dramatically, and hit what should have been the iconic line:
“I drip moonlight in designer mana…”
But instead, the hex glitched.
And the audience heard the raw playback crystal.
[GLITCH PLAYBACK – EMBARRASSING AUDIO]
(tiny squeaky goblin demo voice)
“i drip moonlight in designer mana 🥺✨”
[ANCHOR – SKREEK, SCREAMING]
DISGUSTING.
SOURCES CONFIRM the bard was using a Level 7 Vocal Enhancement Hex, complete with:
pitch glamour
emotional resonance illusion
fake crowd-frequency harmonics
and, most offensively…
pre-recorded falsetto tears.
[INTERVIEW – ELVEN FAN IN DENIAL]
(dramatic sobbing)
NO… no, you don’t understand…
His voice is spiritually lip-syncing.
The crystal was simply expressing the truest version of him.
[FIELD REPORTER – MIK]
Security tried to calm the crowd, but then an Orc bootlegger reportedly shouted:
“HE AIN’T SINGING, HE’S JUST GLITTERING!”
and the riot began immediately.
Three balconies collapsed, six silk capes were trampled, and one noblewoman has reportedly sworn vengeance on all playback enchantments.
[FAKE EXPERT – MUSIC MAGE ANALYST]
(pretentious academic tone)
This scandal raises serious concerns about authenticity in Highblood performance culture.
At what point does magical enhancement stop being artistry
and become…
fraudulent vibecraft?
The public deserves answers.
[ANCHOR – SKREEK]
Luxeflow’s management team released a statement just moments ago:
“The performance was not lip-syncing. It was a pre-harmonized mana alignment protocol designed to preserve vocal elegance during emotionally strenuous choruses.”
Which, for our less educated listeners, means:
he faked it.
[EMERGENCY STREET INTERVIEW – RANDOM ORC]
(laughing aggressively)
HA! Meanwhile GrimJaw screamed through a thunderstorm with three broken ribs and still melted a gate.
Tell the pretty elf to come sing in the Hollows.
[ANCHOR – SKREEK]
DEVELOPING STORY:
Sales of anti-glamour monocles have skyrocketed across the realm, as citizens rush to verify whether their favorite bards are actually singing.
Coming up next—
“Are Vanyaboyz renting their chains from dwarves?”
[OUTRO JINGLE]
🎺 “GOBCAST! Where the lies are loud, but we’re louder!”
🐀 “Stay screeching, Noctavia!”